are you still at the devil's house?
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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