oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
