After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
and you fell through a lawn chair
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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