apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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