About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
