you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
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