Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
