How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
