I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Randomize
