we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
