I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
