her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I think your dad took our porno
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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