It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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