Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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