i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
