I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
