i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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