Porn is love you can see.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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