I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
