If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
