Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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