very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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