Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
