and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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