Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize
