Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
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