I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
