so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
