i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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