What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
