I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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