shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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