What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
