The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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