This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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