i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
