I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
