I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
