God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
