Screwed.edu
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
handjob tips. give me some.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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