Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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