Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
