If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
