My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
