i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
We need to rekindle our bromance
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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