ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
