listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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