If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
