I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
