if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
