jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
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