Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
