Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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