FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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